Excuses for prayers

They say when you bow down and pray to God, things become clearer. They seem to fall right into their places where you can pick them up, take them with you, and move on. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been able to move on. I haven’t prayed in a while. Things have been keeping me busy… but the fact is, praying is not one of my top priorities. I will rush to do homework, cook, and clean even if it is a burden. Praying will actually benefit me the most, yet I manage to create excuses because I am able to get away from the consequences for now. Even though God is likely to punish me sooner or later, I feel as if it’s not direct and that not doing my homework will hurt me more. The truth is, I’m hurting myself more and more every day by avoiding prayers. It is as if I am digging my own grave, and then complaining about why it has been dug. I have been in misery because I feel as if nothing in this world has the ability to fulfill my thirst for satisfaction. I cannot be content. I am constantly holding pessimistic thoughts because reality is harsh. I cannot imagine coming up with foolish dreams that I know I will not achieve. It has been a burden knowing my weaknesses because there are certain circumstances where I want to forget them and pretend that they do not even exist.