Sad day.

Days like these when I feel alone and I think to myself, were my hardships worth this? You would think I would be questioning luxury, not loneliness. I try hard to please people. That is my biggest problem. While everyone is focusing on their joy, I am focusing on what I can do to make people happier. I am what you call a sucker. I get pulled into situations that have nothing to do with me. Then as I am helping, I am not appreciated. And as I have done way beyond what I even expected myself to do, I am critiqued to the fullest extent. I am not perfect. I never claim to be and I am far from it. My concern lies in a bed that no one sleeps in. My life revolves around an axis that rotates around things with no meaning to me. That's right. I live a meaningless life and I am so busy with bullshit that I often go on without noticing it. Days that I do acknowledge it, days like today, it hurts too deep. It all makes me question why tomorrow exists. Once a person realizes they are being scammed, do they go on with the scam? Do they continue to put themselves in such a harmful situation? I do. I continue to hurt whatever is left of me. I continue to cry only to wake up tomorrow and do what makes me sad. This life makes me sad. Giving everyone everything you got only to have nothing to show for it, makes me sad. How is this different from dying alone? In fact, I would prefer to die in this manner than live in it. When you are dying, it is an end to all of this. But what about me? Am I living just to be alone? How is that living? I feel empty. I feel like a broken vessel. No one cares for me and I am often overlooked. My exterior isn't worth a second glance and I am a burden to the shelf that carries me. It's overwhelming to arrive at these feelings on a single day. On a single night. Within couple minutes. All when you realize you don't matter enough to anyone and all you have done is cared. Oh how I wish I didn't care anymore. I doubt I will change who I am, even if who I am is what causes me to be this sad on a day like this. It's quite sad. Everything.