Not Knowing

You know what's scary? Not knowing. This applies to anything you can imagine. Knowing is a comfort. It preserves. It serves. Preserves what? Our mind. Our trust. Serves what? Our soul. Our conscience. We are all alike in this manner. We enjoy knowing because it reconfirms the present and it relieves us of the consequences. How can ignorance be bliss? How can the darkness be enlightening when there is no light?

Then there's Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

How the hell does anyone compete with that? Right? But in a way, it's possible to find serenity within those words. At least, you'd know that everything and anything is bound to go wrong. And with that, we prepare ourselves for the worst. We are scared, of course. Yet, in a way, preparing ourselves to experience the bad makes us feel like we can take it on. It's as if, it's okay that the bad will happen.. it's bound to happen... and all we can do is get ready for it.

Silence.

Sometimes we stay silent because our silence is the most comforting gift we can give to someone. Our silence speaks in ways our words can't compare. We may think at one point, our silence will not amend hearts. It won't heal wounds. It won't provide a bed of ease and love. But you know what? It just might. Never underestimate what a good pair of ears can do. If you are not fond of it, teach yourself. Learn how to listen. To stay quiet and let them vent, let them yell, and let them sigh with bare naked regret. Your silence is more than enough. It allows them to dissolve their anger. It dilutes their sadness. It won't provide them with the light they need to follow, but it will provide the space needed for that light to appear. How wonderful is that? Imagine yourself giving birth to that opportunity, that potential of hope. Never let your silence stay silent. Shout it out. You will amaze yourself with the great results. Who knows. Someone might return the favor someday.

Gaze

There is so much more to a gaze than we often assume. There is a concern, a dying one. As we are battling the possibilities in our heads, we realize that the moment is almost over. We must act quick. Do what we are set out to do. Do what that gaze helped us see. Unfortunately, sometimes those same gazes cripple us into crumbs. No one cares about crumbs. Scattered. Lost. Nonexistence.

Can't be serious.

Every day you wake up and you think to yourself how some day you won't feel the way you do today. You open your eyes and you think, I will wake up somewhere else someday. Somewhere beautiful and somewhere the pain doesn't find tolerance to exist in. Some parts of you know that you won't find yourself in such bliss, ever. Some parts of you know that you will continue to linger your legs by the edge of your bed, feeling the resentment of those warm bed sheets raping the back of your calves. Some parts of you cannot be fooled.

But what about the rest of your parts? Can they continue to dance in harmonious dreams? Is that what hope is? To let the naive parts of you wait for a future that does not exist? People will say, you do not know for sure that it won't take place. Well, you don't know that it will either. Every day you wake up and nothing changes for the better. You are more miserable than the day before. You have worked harder, but things you could not control ignored your efforts. Fate turned its cheeks away. Who are you going to complain to? What are you going to do? Work even harder? Do you give up because fate will win? You constantly hear that you make your own fate. How is that possible when things happen to you that you have no control over?  A car accident? A disease? Airplane Crash? Someone robbing you? Someone hurting you? A loved one dying? How does that work? You may learn to cope with it, but accepting it is different. How do you accept that anything may happen to you whenever fate pleases and all you can do is just .... wait for a day where things will be better? Are you serious? Is that what you're going to do?

Is it simpler that way? To place your face against the pillow that resents you for being so restless? To close your eyes knowing that the next morning will be no better. It might be worse, but it won't make you smile. Is it okay to fall asleep and deep inside hope you do not wake up? Is that how you should feel? All these questions and only fortune-cookie-answers for a proposed rescue. You can't be serious.

Blankness.

We can find silence in the loudest room. We can find anger in the most serene hands.  How willing are we to find anything at all? Is it justifiable to find nothing? Can nothing exist in something? They say blank out your mind.... clear your thoughts and find peace. Most of us find that hard. Most of us find it difficult to avoid the knocking. To ignore it.

But is it weird to find yourself in such hollowness often? To find comfort in absolute nothing? To find yourself at ease in complete darkness? Is it something to feel guilt towards? To feel bad? To feel unworthy?

Anger

When we're angry, we're not ourselves. I hear that often. I'm constantly told that anger is sinful. It blinds our vision. It blinds our ambitions with ill motives. It is temporary insanity. And it is the same group of people that will only preach this when they have recovered from their temporary insanity. They feel shame. They feel regret. They feel guilt.

All this is typical. It's fine. It's irrelevant. Yet it creates a problem when your temporary insanity is being held accountable. Apparently, your anger produced the brutal truth. Your anger revealed thoughts that weren't tolerable. That ought to be not mentioned. Your anger was absolute. Your anger was a moment of harshness that gave light to your inner disgust. 

Why do the tables change?